How important is attraction in christian dating

19-Aug-2016 16:14

Biblical Christians, however, are called to think differently.

We are to use Scripture as the measure of our desires.

(Longtime readers of my blog can probably tell you Candice Watters’ opinion on the topic, and my opinion of Candice Watters’ opinion on the topic.) Basically, the reader says she forwarded the infamous “Brother, You’re Like a Six” Boundless article to a single male friend whom she felt needed the ~advice, and he wrote her back a lengthy reply that basically reads like typical manospherian reasoning on the subjects of looks, chemistry, and attraction.

Since this reply from the horse’s mouth wasn’t good enough for Reader, who believes men are “swayed heavily by…our culture” and “secular standards about who to pursue,” she went to Candice to get the answer she wanted to hear.

Let's examine two problems with the "attraction-as-foundation" approach to dating and marriage — one theological, one practical — and then look at the idea of biblical attraction. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

"Single Christian male (SCM) seeks single Christian female (SCF) to love as Christ loved the church, to give himself up for her to make her holy, to love as he loves himself (Eph. SCF must be absolute physical knockout (no one scoring below 9.0, please), must love to talk politics and sports, and must possess a laundry list of pre-decided personal characteristics so completely that SCM is convinced no better option could possibly be available within the next decade." "SCF seeks SCM to submit to in everything as to the Lord, to respect, to serve, to follow and to be led by in discipleship and ministry, to trust as spiritual leader of the home, and to serve Christ with for the next several decades or until Jesus comes back.

SCM must possess total confidence (but can't be cocky and must trust SCF's opinion in all things); must be devastatingly handsome but have no idea that he is; must be exquisite interpersonal communicator who enjoys nothing more than long, conversations about the relationship; must understand SCF completely; and must otherwise fit description of how SCF thought 'The One' would be since SCF started thinking about it at age 11." Too harsh? Surveys inquiring about what singles — even professing Christian singles — look for in someone to date or marry, often receive "physically attractive," "sense of humor," "fun-loving personality," even "wealth" as the top answers.

Likewise—I understand I didn’t just step out of a GQ magazine, so I’ve got my limitations and an uphill battle as to attracting a girl with the utmost “zing-pow” effect. What if all of those godly traits are there, but nothing “jumps”? There has got to be chemistry and a mutual, eros love of sexual attraction (which is much more than just physical attraction) that will keep that intimate part of a marriage thriving and healthy for many, many, many years. Find a gorgeous woman (or man), marry her (or him), and live happily ever after. But movies always end before the fireworks (what your friend calls “zing-pop”) die down. The longest it can last is three years, and often it’s less.

Find a gorgeous woman (or man), marry her (or him), and live happily ever after. But movies always end before the fireworks (what your friend calls “zing-pop”) die down. The longest it can last is three years, and often it’s less.

On average the emotional highs last between eighteen months and three years. If what he’s looking to hold his marriage together for “many, many, many years” is sexual attraction, he’s setting himself up for disappointment. When two believers come together in marriage, they have the potential, when the giddy feelings ebb, to leave what C. Lewis calls the “thrill” phase of romance for the “quieter and more lasting kind of interest …

’ I’m surprised how many people – both women and men – write to me because they’re worried that they ‘ought’ to date someone they’re not attracted to, and to insist on attraction would be superficial and un Godly.

Certainly, the Bible tells us that God looks not at outward appearances, but at the heart.

Likewise—I understand I didn’t just step out of a GQ magazine, so I’ve got my limitations and an uphill battle as to attracting a girl with the utmost “zing-pow” effect. What if all of those godly traits are there, but nothing “jumps”? There has got to be chemistry and a mutual, eros love of sexual attraction (which is much more than just physical attraction) that will keep that intimate part of a marriage thriving and healthy for many, many, many years. Find a gorgeous woman (or man), marry her (or him), and live happily ever after. But movies always end before the fireworks (what your friend calls “zing-pop”) die down. The longest it can last is three years, and often it’s less.

Find a gorgeous woman (or man), marry her (or him), and live happily ever after. But movies always end before the fireworks (what your friend calls “zing-pop”) die down. The longest it can last is three years, and often it’s less.

On average the emotional highs last between eighteen months and three years. If what he’s looking to hold his marriage together for “many, many, many years” is sexual attraction, he’s setting himself up for disappointment. When two believers come together in marriage, they have the potential, when the giddy feelings ebb, to leave what C. Lewis calls the “thrill” phase of romance for the “quieter and more lasting kind of interest …

’ I’m surprised how many people – both women and men – write to me because they’re worried that they ‘ought’ to date someone they’re not attracted to, and to insist on attraction would be superficial and un Godly.

Certainly, the Bible tells us that God looks not at outward appearances, but at the heart.

For example, I recently sent the Boundless article “” to one of my single guy friends.